The world we live in

As I sit in my computer chair and think, I can't help but wonder where time goes. What we do in life has a major effect on everything and everyone around us. After watching Benjamin Button, one might start to appreciate the time they have on this earth. The world we live in is a strange place and only makes sense to those who are on top of it.

I just got my grades today and am only slightly disappointed. It wasn't the GPA I was hoping for. I look at the A I got in my music class and can't help but laugh. I almost never went, I failed the listening exam, and wrote a poor essay for the class. Somehow I got an A. I feel the same way when I look at the B that I got in my math class. I never even owned a text book and passed just fine. I went to class 8 times out of 30. Then I sit back and look at my History class and wonder what the heck went wrong. I didn't go to this one either, but it shows. I got a D+. That is about as close to failing as you can get. My grades brought my GPA for this semester to a total of 2.94 with a cumulative of 3.22. I am trying to figure out why the music class passed me when I did everything wrong, but my history class didn't even so much as consider the possibility of giving me a better grade. It just doesn't make sense.

I guess the world we live in says that success is measured by who you know and not what you know. So is going to college to obtain knowledge really worth the few thousand one spends each semester? I think it is an outrage that I paid 2 thousand dollars to either take classes that I could have slept through and passed, or take classes that even if I study I can still do poorly. What do the classes prove at the end of the day? Its all about if the teacher knows you and you permanently stick your lips to his/her butt. I guess I better pucker up if I am going to pass next semester's classes.

On a side note, I am slowly dying. Few know. Off and on I can't seem to catch my breath. Its like...I'm drowning from the inside. When I finally get the nerve to want to go to the doctor, the breathing problem seems to disappear. I'm I slowly going crazy and creating this feeling? I can run and jump and play and exercise just fine...but at night when I lie down and start to slowly close my eyes, the fluid starts to fill my lungs and I have to sit up and pray that I make it through the next day. Every breath tastes like iron...or blood. Maybe I am just nuts. Who knows. Maybe I'm working my lungs too hard. My breathing seems to be fine when I do personal tests...I can hold my breath for over a minute and a half despite the breathing problem. Drowning has always been the 2nd worse way I would want to die. The first is burning. I am sure with the life I lead that one of the 2 will be the way I go. I guess its better to go out in flames and glory than die a long lonely life. Sigh...